Dec

28

The Single Mother and Men

Posted by singlemom

December 28, 2008 |

I have noticed a trend over the years. A very disturbing one. This is not just something that I have experienced myself, but something that seems to be happening to a lot of single mothers.

I have a good heart, and I tend to start out trusting people that I bring into my life. Perhaps, it has been suggested, I am just plain too trusting. Who knows? At any rate, I always start a relationship trusting that the person that I choose is honest.

I also am a person who likes to help others.

So, when I do choose to go into a relationship, I expect the man to be a good person, pure and simple. I let the man into my heart, and into my life. I am good to him, I trust him, and I expect him to do the same for me.

I know many other single mothers who live much the same as I do. We seem to want to believe that the men we choose are good.

So, why is it that men seem to like to take advantage of us? That is the question. Even when we do decide to let someone live with us, it seems that we are just a convenience. They don’t seem to want any responsibilities, just a roof over their heads. Even those who work end up jipping us out of bill and rent money in the end. They eat our food as well.

Then, when they leave, they think that they have ownership over our food cupboards and even some of our belongings. Why is this? They want to take food out of our children’s bellies so that they do not have to go hungry. They want to ‘borrow’ money for this and that.

The funny, and most disturbing, part of this is that we do not have any extra money. We, in general, cannot afford to ‘take care of’ a man. Some of us are barely making ends meet as it is.

Many of us are really confused about how a man can come into our lives, be treated well, and use us.

So, what can we do about this? I don’t know about you, but I am on sabbatical from the whole relationship thing. I decided, after my last boyfriend, that I simply needed a break. I am figuring out who I am, and what I want. I am doing things for myself, rather than for a man. And I am enjoying not having to put up with the head games that generally come along with relationships.

I am tired of it all. And, I am getting better. I have found out some very important things about what I want and why. About what I need and why. And about what I am willing to put up with, which isn’t much.

I am doing something good for myself.

Shannon

P.S. What experiences have you had with men? Let us know in the comments section.

Other Articles of Interest:

A Few Resources for the Single Mother

Single Mothers and Loneliness

Great Ways to Deal with Stress


Comments

2 Comments so far

  1. Homeschool_Dad on December 28, 2008 2:45 pm

    Hi Shannon,

    I think you are taking the brave path. Choosing to go on a sabbatical is perhaps the wisest choice for you and your family right now.

    Speaking as a married man who considers himself a good person, I have to say that most of the single members of the male species that I have encountered are dogs. That’s not to say that they won’t one day become well-trained, devoted dogs… (although some will always be strays or abusive alpha-males).

    As cliche as it sounds, most single men have sex first and foremost on their mind. And if that is their main goal, then other selfish deeds (such as snatching food from the pantry) are sure to follow. Of course, there are many exceptions to this. But here’s the tricky part. Guys are good at pretending to be selfless, at least until they get what they want. That’s why, I believe, so many women fall for jerks.

    Anyway, I’ve probably given away too many trade secrets. I wonder if it’s better or worse for a single mom to be in a relationship with a single dad (sort of like the first episode of the Brady Bunch!)

    Keep up the terrific blog!

  2. singlemom on December 28, 2008 3:17 pm

    Thank you for your input. It is refreshing to hear from a man on the subject. I have only known a few single fathers’ and they don’t seem much better than men who are not parents. I’m not sure if it is just where I live here in Maine, or if it is predominent throughout the US, or the world.

    At any rate, we call said unselfish acting men, the ones who act like what you want hen change once you are hooked, con artists around here.

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