When Parents Split: Helping Your Children through the Changes

Posted by singlemom

November 4, 2008 |

A woman that I know recently split from her husband. It has been hard on herself, and her children, but it was the right thing for her to do. She will face many challenges in the near future.

Looking at her situation, I can see some things that would be appropriate when raising children. Things that may help them in creating an easier transition. This is so important for children.

Children often blame themselves when parents split up. It is important for them to know that this is not the case. Both parents should sit down amicably to discuss with the children what is happening, that it is not the children’s fault, and that they will have the same rules and responsibilities at each parents home.

Consistency is so important. If a child is allowed to get away with things at one parents house, there will not be a good outcome. Children need consistency so that they know what is expected of them.

One of the most important things that you can do for your child is to show respect for their other parent. Indeed, many parents remain friends after a divorce. They do this because it is important to their child’s life. They are showing a selfless act, one that they hope to impart on their children. These parents get along, do family things together, and raise their children to mind and obey the other parent. They know that keeping peace, and not talking bad about each other in front of their children, is the most important thing that they can do.

These parents are not always going to agree, but they do share an unconditional love for each child that they brought into this world together. That is a great thing.

It would be great if their schedules were consistent. For instance, if children know that they will always visit with Dad from Friday after school until Sunday afternoon, they will fare better than a child who never knows when they will be able to see him.

An evening phone call to the parent who is not with them is almost a must, whenever possible. In that way, they can talk about their days and everyone is keeping in touch.

A consistent bedtime is also important, at both homes, as well as consistent meal times. These are not hard to follow, and will keep them on schedule.

It is great when both parents are at school and other events. Children love to know that both of their parents can be in the same place, and not embarrass them.

So, if you can be respectful and consistent, your children will fare better than those whose parents cannot be either. Consider your children whenever you want to lean away from these two things. What do you really want for them?

Shannon


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